The Dress
by Meowser Clancy
Summary: Chimney thinks it's just dinner. A new dress in Maddie's closet says differently. Chapter one is pretty tame but chapter two has several TW that I won't name.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I wanted this written sooner but my laptop didn't agree so it took a while. I did most of this on my phone though so be proud of me. This takes place in the future and just don't think too hard timelinewise. Just enjoy the story lol.**

Say my name and everything just stops  
Cause I don't want you like a best friend  
Only bought this dress so you could take it off  
Take it off

Taylor Swift

* * *

The dress was just hanging there, not even ruffled by the cold air rushing out of the vents above Maddie's head.

But it was taunting her. Daring her. Mocking her.

It was too flirty for her, starting with just the color, a bold red. And it was too short. Too low cut. Too slim fitting.

But it was staring at her, calling to her.

She took the hanger, held the dress up, put it back. No. It just wouldn't work.

That's what she told herself, anyway.

But it called to her despite her warring thoughts and she picked it up again, heading for the fitting room.

It wouldn't fit right, she knew that. And then she'd be convinced and just put it back, no more doubts.

But when she was inside the room, once she'd changed into it, wiggled the zipper up the last inch, and looked at herself in the mirror...she liked it.

She really liked it.

She liked it more than she thought she'd ever like a dress again. She found herself smoothing the material down, gliding her hands over it. It was so soft. Soft and red and feminine. Everything she'd avoided lately, opting for ripped jeans and ankle boots and high cut sweaters, anything to avoid attention.

This dress asked for attention. This dress practically demanded it.

She shouldn't get it, she realized, putting it back on the hanger, sliding back into her jeans and sweater.

But when she left the store, it was in a bag over her arm.

* * *

Chimney was tired. He'd worked three days back to back, and now he was off. Maddie's schedule the past few weeks had literally been the opposite of his; when he was working, she was off and vice versa. It had been frustrating, to say the least, but they'd made it work with texts and even a phone call or two.

He'd wanted to ask for more, but it wasn't like they were dating. It wasn't his place.

But now, here they were. They both had the same day off, and he'd asked if she wanted to get dinner, and she'd said yes, and he'd gotten reservations at a new Mediterranean-American fusion restaurant that she'd said she was curious about.

He yawned as he buttoned his shirt, wishing he'd given in to his desire to sleep in until noon. He'd had errands though, and coffee had only taken him to...he checked his watch. Now. 4:30 pm. It was too early to be tired. It was too early to be getting ready for this, but he wanted to beat the traffic driving across town and he could find something to do while he waited for her.

Or...

He could take a nap...

He was so tired...

His hands stilled on the buttons and he sighed. Screw it. He'd brave traffic and just leave later.

He needed the extra sleep. He picked up his phone and set an alarm, and then walked to the bed, just meaning to lay down for a bit.

He was asleep only a moment after his head hit the pillow.

* * *

Maddie's phone buzzed and she pulled it from her pocket, reading the words there. **Running** **late**. **Sorry**! **Only** **just** **left**.

Chimney was almost never late. She couldn't even remember the last time he was, and it usually meant something had gone wrong.

She tried to not worry, smoothing down her sweater.

If he was going to be late, she'd have time to change.

Into the dress.

No.

She wasn't going to even think about it. It was silly. Total nonsense.

But...

She might as well. Chimney had hinted that they were going to that Mediterranean place and they were a little fancier than jeans and a sweater.

Oh god. Should she do it?

She shouldn't.

She did.

The sweater was tossed aside and she shimmied out of the jeans. She had time, too much time now, and she might as well go for it.

She pulled the dress over her head, zipped it up, and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She looked excited. She looked younger. She looked just like she'd imagine a girl getting ready for a first date would be.

And though that thought frightened her, it also steeled her nerves.

She was ready, she thought. She was ready for these things with Chimney to be labeled dates. She was ready to make that step and she just hoped he was.

One thing was for sure, she thought as she brushed on eyeshadow and mascara. She'd figure it out from the look on his face when she opened the door. Because just friends didn't wear dresses like this.

* * *

He pulled in to Maddie's driveway, put the car in park and sat there for a moment, just breathing. He wondered how tonight would go. She'd had a lot of rough nights lately; they'd ended up having earlier nights the rare times they had been able to get together.

Which was fine. Chimney wasn't complaining. He just earnestly hoped that tonight was easier for Maddie. Things had been rough period since Christmas. While it had helped her to decorate the tree, he wondered if it had also brought up more questions, more hurt.

It had brought the past back in a real way. And, as they said, sometimes dealing with hurt, it was hard to take a step forward without taking two steps back. Especially with trauma like Maddie had. Because yes, you had to work through it, but dealing with it meant thinking about it.

Sometimes Chimney would take avoidance over tackling the hard stuff. In his own life at least. With Maddie, he was ready for whatever she needed from him.

He was so ready.

He stepped out of the car, straightened his collar, checked himself in the car mirror. He'd never truly loved his reflection, but today he liked it more than usual, even with the glaring scar on his forehead.

Hey, Maddie seemed to like him just fine though.

He jogged forward, rang the doorbell and smiled up at the camera, waiting, ready for a cozy evening with great food and company. He and Maddie always had good conversations too, and he was looking forward to continuing an argument from earlier in the week as to which character in the Harry Potter series was best.

Harry Potter was one of the few media items that they had in common. She'd read the books; hadn't been a huge fan of the movies. He'd read them too, long after the movies had all come out, one very broke summer that he'd cancelled cable and internet to save money.

They were good. Better than the movies for sure; Chimney hadn't believed at first how much he'd missed.

He realized after a moment that he was still waiting for her, and wondered if anything was up, slowly coming out of the cloud of his thoughts to focus.

Was she okay?

She was usually ready and waiting, even if he was early, one of the reasons they made such a good match.

He slapped the thought away. It didn't matter if they were a match. Maddie wasn't ready for that, and even if she was, that wasn't why he was friends with her. She wasn't a means to an end. He'd be friends with her even if that was all they'd ever be because he cared for her, he truly did.

And they were friends. There was no 'just'.

He heard footsteps and snapped to attention. Time to go.

The door opened and all of his thoughts vanished, his jaw almost literally dropping. Maddie stood there, nervous smile on her face.

"Hey," she said, hurrying outside, a sweater over her arm, her skirt swinging as she turned to lock the door behind her. "How are you?"

"I'm good," he replied, unsure of what to say.

She was wearing a dress, and oh my god, it was more than a dress. It was magic, it was crazy how different she looked. Usually she dressed to hide, and tonight she was dressed to show off, in a fitted red dress that made him dizzy if he looked at her too long.

God, she was beautiful. She'd always been beautiful but tonight there was a quiet confidence hanging on her like a perfume.

"Maddie," he managed, clearing his throat. "Um, you ready?"

"I am," she said, not making eye contact. "Thank you for driving."

"I'm just sorry I'm late," he said.

"I'd rather you be late here than late at a restaurant, and have me alone there," Maddie said, as they walked to his car. He opened her door for her, and Maddie paused before getting in.

"Chim," she said, looking up at him with steady eyes, big eyes, brown eyes, beautiful eyes. "I just want you to know, um, how..."

She was hesitating, struggling with her words. "Hey," he whispered, lowering his voice so she'd lean in. "You can tell me later. There's no rush."

Her eyes widened, and suddenly she was standing very close to him, reaching out with one hand and placing it on his arm.

"Chim, I'm ready," she said simply.

"Ready for what?" He asked, confused, and she moved closer.

"For anything," she replied. "If it's with you."

"Maddie," he began, and she pressed her finger against his lips, brushing over the lower lip, making him feel weak in the knees. "Maddie," he repeated, and she stepped even closer, wound her arms around his neck and stepped into his arms, which settled very nicely around her waist.

He liked her waist, he realized, holding tight.

"Is this okay?" She wondered, words so quiet they were more like a breath.

"It's more than okay," he replied, wondering what the next step was.

"Can I kiss you, Chimney?" She wondered.

She was always so polite.

"That depends," he replied, and he felt her stiffen a little, tensing to hear his reply. "Can I kiss you back?"

* * *

Dinner was amazing. It was filled with high quality alcohol, lots of appetizers, and finally a shared entree, finished with a shared chocolate mousse.

It was marked by Maddie slowly extending her hand across the table so he could take it, it was marked by her fingers slowly stroking his wrist, it was marked by him finally lifting her hand and pressing a kiss to her inner wrist, smiling at her the whole time.

He had never been so happy. He couldn't remember another moment when he'd felt like this, cherished for who he was, not who he might be. He couldn't remember a time when he'd been more intensely attracted to a woman either, not where sex had been the last thing on his mind.

Well, not quite the last thing. But he couldn't remember being okay with waiting. Waiting indefinitely, maybe waiting forever, because he wasn't waiting, he was cherishing. Taking every moment he got, thinking each one precious.

Maddie was precious. A diamond in the rough, glittering but only if you looked. Only if you took time.

Time was on his side, he thought, lifting her hand again, kissing each finger.

She had a look on her face that he'd never seen before. Contentment. Almost peace. Happiness. She was happy.

Had he ever seen her so happy?

They paid and walked out, strolling down the street. "I wonder if it will rain again," Maddie said. "I liked that night."

"Did you?" He wondered.

"Didn't you?" She asked.

"I loved it," he said, and stopped her, pulling her into a hug, his arms wrapping tight around her waist. "I love every minute that I spend with you."

He wasn't sure if it was Maddie's own boldness, or the alcohol, but his lips were loosened. "I love you, Maddie."

He felt her breathe, in and out. Slow and deep. She turned in his arms, moving to face him, tenderness in her gaze.

"Chimney," she whispered, and moved in, kissing him.

Her lips moved against his, slow and smooth, and he teased them open with his tongue, delighting in the taste of her mouth, feeling her own tongue come to meet his. Her arms rose to wind around his neck, as they had earlier, and she pressed her body tight against his, making him again feel weak.

He could feel every inch of her, and she was so sweet, and so good, and he wanted her, in this moment. He wanted her desperately. He wanted to keep her forever, he wanted to know that she'd be in his life for a very long time.

And he wanted her in his bed.

Something he'd never admit, something he shoved down when the thought came to mind, something that wasn't on the table right now, didn't have to ever be on the table, and he was fine with that.

But he still wanted it.

He tasted her lips again, deepened the kiss, threaded his hand into her hair. This was so good.

She moaned, matching his intensity, upping it. Her hands were on his back, clutching his shirt, holding him close.

And then they parted. Her lipstick was smeared, and he brushed his fingers over it, rubbing it off her cheek. "Maddie," he whispered.

"Take me home, Chim," she replied.

He felt the smallest pang of disappointment. "Of course," he said.

"No," she said, shaking her head as if to clear it. "Um. Take me to your place. Buck's still at mine."

He stared at her, because now he couldn't catch his breath. "You sure?" He whispered.

. "I'm sure," she replied, and, as if to prove it, kissed him again.

* * *

 **A/N: okay guys. Chapter one is done. Chapter two is on the way. This chapter was definitely just T rated. Next chapter will be a HARD M so be careful and aware. ~Meowser**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Guys, this chapter has several triggers. Sex after any experience of assault or abuse is not something that is easy. While I want this chapter to be on fire, I also want it to accurately depict Maddie's situation. Please read with caution. For one thing, this chapter is M. If you don't want to read something rated higher than a T, just stick to the first chapter. I split it into two parts so that everyone had that option.**

 **That said, Chimney and Maddie have a full night ahead of them. I anticipate another chapter to follow this one. Enjoy, y'all ~Meowser**

* * *

Maddie wanted him.

Her heartbeat was thumping in her ears as they cruised through traffic. Chimney's hands seemed to be holding the steering wheel just a little tighter than usual.

She reached to turn on the radio, her hand shaking a little.

Can't keep my hands to myself

Selena Gomez's voice came over the airways, and Maddie jumped a little, glancing over at Chimney. They both laughed, a sound that was somewhat strangled, and then fell silent again.

Both of them knew what was coming but they still had no idea what to expect. What if it was good? What if it wasn't good?

It wasn't like they hadn't had sex before. It wasn't like they hadn't had good sex before.

But Maddie hadn't had consensual sex for two years. Maddie hadn't wanted sex with a partner for longer than that, and while she'd had a little...self exploration since then, trying to rediscover herself as much as get pleasure, she hadn't even thought, in the beginning, that sex was something she'd even be interested in. She had scars in that area, and she expected to just be scared.

Right now, though, she wasn't scared. She was tense, she was horny, she really wanted this car ride to be over, and she admitted to being a little nervous, but at the end of all that, she trusted Chimney. And she knew that no matter what ended up happening, or not happening, tonight, it would be okay in the morning.

She placed her hand on the console between them, as Chimney turned into his neighborhood and off busy streets.

He slowly reached to take her hand in his, wind their fingers together. He pulled up at a stop sign and Maddie, glancing around, knew that there were no other cars around.

"Chim, wait," she said, and he paused, keeping his foot on the brake, turning to face her.

She pulled her hand from his, placed it on his neck and pulled herself in, pressing her lips to his. He made a sound that was like a gasp, that turned into a moan as he pulled used one hand to pull her closer.

She whimpered when his hand landed on her waist, and then slowly, regretfully, pulled back, settling back into her seat.

"Get us home," she breathed, and Chimney, eyes cloudy with desire, nodded.

The car started to move again and Maddie found that her knee was bouncing up and down. She was impatient. She couldn't wait for this to happen.

"I want you," she found herself saying, her voice surprising her. She'd never been good at dirty talk, or simply being vocal during sex. Sex with Doug had been whatever he wanted. She'd lost her ability to speak up a long time ago, and she knew that part of making sex even doable right now was making sure that she felt in control. "I really do."

She wanted to say more. She wanted to name the specifics, she wanted to talk about how he made her feel, how much she loved his arms around her, how much she loved every piece of him.

"I love your eyes," she began, her voice shaking a little.

"Maddie," he began.

"Shush," she said. "Chim, I love your eyes. They're warm and happy, and when you look at me, I feel good. I really do. I feel safe and respected and warm and just, I don't know, content. Like this is right. And I love your hands, Chim. I love holding them. I love how easily we fit together."

She reached to take his hand again, knowing what was happening now was a little more like babbling than foreplay, but unable to stop. She pressed a kiss to his hand, pressed another.

"Chim, I love your hands," she repeated. "They're so strong and they save lives every day, and I feel so lucky that I get to hold them."

"Maddie," he said, turning to look at her before turning back to the road, flattening his lips. She could tell how impatient he was, too.

"I love your shoulders, and how strong they are," she continued. "How they could carry anything, especially how heavy this is going to get soon. I love your humor and how you can always make me laugh, and Chim, I love that you even try to make me laugh. You bring happiness to my life, in more ways than one."

She was still holding his hand, she was rubbing it between hers, she was holding it up to her face. She loved him.

"I love your mouth, and your lips, and how you look when you smile, and how it feels when you kiss me," she continued. They were almost home. "I love that you never try to surprise me, I love that you don't think pranks are funny, and I love that you are there for me, every single day that I need you. I love how easily we became friends." She pressed another kiss to his hand. They were home. He put the car into park and unbuckled, turning to face her.

"Maddie, I can't even count the ways I love you," he began.

"Chim," she whispered, unbuckled and before he could react, climbed into his lap, cupped his face in her hands and kissed him.

He kissed her back, eager and impatient, his hands on her waist, his fingers rubbing over the material there.

His lips were smooth, and she opened her mouth up to him, let his tongue sweep into her mouth, tasted the heat of him. God. He still tasted like the chocolate they'd had for dessert, and that made her only want him more.

Doug hadn't liked chocolate.

She pushed that thought away, angry. Doug didn't factor into this, at all. This had nothing to do with him, this was not a comparison.

There was no comparison to even be made.

"Maddie," Chimney said, pulling away. "Don't you want to go inside?"

He was breathing hard, and she felt her own chest rising and falling in rapid successions. His gaze fell there for just a second before coming back up.

She'd never noticed him do that before.

That made her love him even more. Even now, in the heat of the moment, he wasn't going to go there until he had permission.

Until it was okay.

"I do," she replied, and slid down on his lap, spreading her legs more, until she was full out straddling him, and could feel his erection beneath her, until she could rub against it, make them both moan.

"Oh my god, Maddie," he whispered, his eyes closed tight, and Maddie hit the seat recliner, not stopping til they were reclining, and she was on top, hands pressed on his chest.

Was she being sloppy? Was this too much? Was she being too forward? Was this okay?

It was like he felt the mood shift, felt her withdraw a little. His eyes flew open and he stared up at her, blinking slowly, before pulling her down to him. Their lips touched again, slow and deep this time.

His hands rubbed up and down her arms, her body slowly settled onto his, and this was good, this was easy, this was mutual. She felt some of her fears disappear, and then he was bringing the seat back up.

"Let's go inside," he told her, and she nodded as he opened the door and she carefully climbed off of him.

They were out of the car and Maddie felt shy now. She'd so fully taken over in there and now she was doubting herself again, unsure how far he'd expected that to go, how surprised he'd been.

As if again sensing her doubts, he closed his door and pushed her against it, hands winding in her hair, trading her control for confidence.

His lips touched hers, passionate and wandering, quickly traveling to her ear, to her neck, laying lingering kisses in each place that burned way down to her core.

"I want you, Maddie," he whispered, and his hot breath in her ear made her tremble, cling to him, lift one leg up to wrap around his waist, and his hands were made a sudden journey down, gliding from her shoulders to her waist, holding there and then lower, cupping her ass and then lifting her, pressing her against the car.

If what they'd been doing before had felt good, this felt even better.

She could feel him against her, holding her up, and she could feel how hard he'd gotten, and she rocked her hips towards him, making him moan.

They were both in charge now, taking what they wanted in the moment that they wanted it.

And then Chimney paused. His hands were on their way to sliding underneath her dress, and he just stopped, pulling away.

"Is this okay?" He said, and she nodded. "I don't want to ruin the moment, but Maddie, I want to touch you beneath your dress. I need to know that this is okay. We can stop, we can press pause."

"It's more than okay," she said. "I want you to."

He smiled at her, as they both took a moment, breathing in and out. His hand moved to her thighs, down the skirt of the dress until it hit bare skin. And then it slid beneath. His hand was traveling up her leg, and he moved his thumb in a slow circle on her thigh. She couldn't breathe. His breath was also coming in pants, and he paused for a second, his hand warm and heavy, solid.

He moved to cup her ass, and Maddie whimpered, and he kissed her then, his hand squeezing, and then he slowly ended the embrace, let her down, took her hand in his. "Let's go inside," he told her, and she nodded, brushing a kiss to his cheek before they started walking.

He unlocked his door and they moved inside. He closed it behind them, turned the light on in the hallway, moved into the kitchen to hang up his keys.

She found herself following him, wrapping her arms tight around his waist, hiding her face in his back, breathing in the scent of him.

He held onto her, his hands landing over hers, moving in circles on her skin.

* * *

"Chimney," she whispered, loosening her hold and he turned to face her, his eyes studying her carefully. His hands wound through her hair, brushed it off of her neck, and, after just staring at her for a moment, he leaned to press a kiss to the base of her neck, suck at the skin on display there.

And then lower.

Maddie leaned into him, as if giving him permission. Permission that he wanted to take.

He moved his hands, coming around to her breasts, carefully cupping them, making Maddie's eyes close, as she adjusted herself to this sensation. She was taking it in, and he was taking it slow, moving his fingers to brush over bare skin, letting his thumbs brush over her breasts.

He wanted more.

He closed his eyes, opened them, found that Maddie was just looking at him.

"I want to unzip your dress," he told her, the words sounding out of place in this moment. "And then I want to touch your breasts."

It sounded clumsy, and like it was supposed to be dirty talk. It wasn't.

"Maddie, I won't do any of this unless you're okay with it," he continued. "And I'm not going to stop checking in every time we move farther, because I don't want to go somewhere you aren't okay with."

* * *

It was hard to speak. Maddie wanted to just say hell yes, do it, but she didn't want to erase this moment. She didn't want to downplay how important this was, but she didn't know how to say yes.

So, she didn't.

"Not yet," she breathed out, and felt herself relax.

Chimney nodded, his hands falling away. "Let's turn on a movie," he said, kissing her cheek, and moving away.

"Let's watch the new Brooklyn 99," she requested and he slid his arms around her as if he couldn't help it, pulled her back to him.

"Do you know that this is why I love you?" He said. "Because when I said we should watch Brooklyn 99 you said yes and now it's your favorite show too."

She found a laugh bubbling up, and she leaned against him, her hands landing on top of his. His lips landed on her neck, and she felt her heartrate elevate again.

He paused, drawing back. "I'll make some popcorn," he said.

"Thank you," she exhaled, and he nodded, not touching her this time.

She needed a minute. She wanted this, but at the same time, she was two steps away from a panic attack, and she needed to figure out what to do right now.

"Chim," she finally said, after he'd pulled the popcorn from the cabinet.

"Yeah?" He replied, and then turned to face her, as if rehearing what she'd said and reconsidering his response. "Maddie."

"I don't know if I can do this," she admitted, and felt tears in her eyes. God. This was so embarrassing. Why was it embarrassing? God. Now she was embarrassed of being embarrassed.

Shame was coursing through her and she didn't know why and she couldn't handle every warring thought going through her mind right now, ranging from wanting Chimney to just take her on the kitchen table, to wanting to cry for about three hours.

She wanted both, though. She wanted to stop, but she didn't want to stop.

She didn't know what she wanted.

"Can I hug you?" He asked, voice gentle.

She nodded, then spoke the word. "Yes." He moved in, wrapping his arms around her, and she knew she was going to cry for real now.

"Maddie, it's okay," he told her. "You know it's okay. You know this is normal. And seriously, we don't have to do anything tonight. Except watch the new Brooklyn 99. You mentioned it, so now it's non negotiable. Also. I'm kidding. We don't even have to do that."

She breathed in, feeling a smile coming back through the tears.

"Every step of the way, Maddie," Chimney said, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You're in charge."

* * *

A/N: Writing this I was constantly checking in with myself. I haven't been through exactly what Maddie's been through, but I have my own triggers and I know what it's like from a standpoint of wow, I want this but I don't know if I'm ready for this. I was constantly readjusting, trying to figure out what I'd be okay with, what was happening too fast. Finally I realized that I was writing a sex scene. And it needed to be more than that.

Guys, I ended up stopping here mainly because I have work in half an hour but also because of how much I want to stress that this is a journey for Maddie. For Chimney too. For anyone that has a #metoo story. Recovery is different for everyone, but for Maddie? She's coming back to a place that she likely never expected herself to be in again, and taking it slow is so important.

More later. This is probably going to be a 3 or 4 chapter story instead.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter is very M. There are sexy times ahead but it's still not all smooth sailing. Please be forewarned. It's very intense and I need to make that clear~Meowser**

Brooklyn 99 was still on, but Maddie was zoning out a little. Chimney's arm was around hers, steady and warming, his fingers making lazy circles on her arm.

Her head was on his shoulder and she'd stopped feeling like she needed to cry. She was comfortable again.

And she found her senses going on high alert. His arm was so heavy around her, but in a comforting way. The back of her head was pressed against his bicep and she could feel how taut it was right now. His fingers were barely grazing her skin, but she could feel goosebumps beginning to form, and she shivered.

"Are you cold?" He asked. "I can grab a blanket."

He was already starting to get up, but she placed a hand on his leg, stilling him. "It's okay," she said. "I'm not cold, that was…" She shrugged, unsure if she wanted to explain it yet.

He nodded, settling back down, but his arm slid down to be around her waist now, gently pulling her just a little closer.

God, she loved him. She loved how warm he was, and how focused he'd been on her comfort, every time. She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I love you," she whispered, and his lips spread into a smile. He turned his head and their lips met, soft and sweet.

"The feeling is mutual," he told her, using his other hand to brush hair from her face. Her eyes met his, and they just drank each other in for a moment. And then she was moving forward, shifting positions, climbing onto his lap to straddle him and cup his face in her heads.

Their lips met and Maddie moaned, immediately taken in by how good it felt. She really, really liked kissing him. That had been true for a while now, but it was even better when she was sitting on his lap, and could feel him grow rock hard beneath her.

She ground against him, and he made a sound that was almost like a whimper, driving his hips upward to meet her. Goddamn.

She really wanted this, suddenly. She really wanted this and she was going to have it.

"I want this," she said, pulling back to speak, her eyes blazing. She saw Chimney's eyes go wide, and his hands were on the back of her dress.

"I do too," he said.

"Take my dress off," she whispered. "Please."

His lips came up to meet hers again; their tongues tangled and she tasted the popcorn they'd just eaten. Well, neither of them had taken much. They had really just gone through the motions, trying to make this night normal.

This night wasn't normal, though. Thank god.

It finally wasn't normal.

His hands were on her zipper, and he was dragging it down, and his fingers were suddenly brushing against bare skin and Maddie gasped into his mouth. Chimney pulled away, breathing hard, examining her face, paying close attention. He slowly dragged his fingers back up her spine, and a smile twitched at his lips at her reaction, which was her closing her eyes, concentrating hard to not lose control.

His hands moved at a snail pace, slowly coming to meet the dress at her shoulders, edging it slowly down; every inch of skin that he uncovered coming alive under his fingers. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her neck, and slowly made a path to her ear, sucking at the skin behind it. Oh god. It was like her body was turning to liquid. She moaned again, and he kissed a path to her chest, pulled back again, and slowly started to pull the dress down farther.

His eyes met hers, keeping that connection until the dress pooled at her waist.

She slipped her hands from the sleeves, and arched forward, pushing herself against his erection. He groaned, and pulled her close, his hands around her waist, and they kissed again, long and hot.

His lips were making a path down, to the bra strap, kissing down and slowly pushing the fabric off of her shoulder, while his hand came up and got the other shoulder. She shivered again when his hand landed there, so warm, making her feel chilled in comparison.

"Maddie," he murmured, his lips reaching her breasts, and his hand coming around to the back of her bra. "Do you want me to take this off?"

His eyes rose to meet hers, and she inhaled at the look there.

"No," she said, and he nodded, his hand sliding away.

"Do you want to keep kissing?" He wondered, his voice assuring.

"I do," she said. "And the only reason I don't want you to take it off...is because I want to take it off myself."

* * *

Chimney was barely breathing, and he could only tell this night was going to get better. Sex had never meant this much, and honestly, waiting this long for it, not even knowing if it was going to happen, not truly caring if it happened, was making these moments so sweet, so precious.

It meant so much that she was trusting him right now. So fucking much. He honestly couldn't believe that Maddie Buckley was letting him do this, that Maddie Buckley even liked him like this, that Maddie Buckley, the most intriguing and beautiful woman he'd probably ever met, was sitting on his lap right now, and wanted him to have sex with her.

And he was holding back, he was taking it slow. He was going to make sure she was comfortable, every step of the way.

Even if it killed him.

She was reaching around behind herself to unsnap her bra, her breasts already popping. He couldn't breathe, and she was letting it fall, tossing it behind her, and sitting there waiting for him to react. He couldn't move, honestly. He breathed in a shaky breath, pulling her close, sliding his arms around her and kissing her lips, trying to make her more comfortable.

Her skin was so soft, and he moved his hands in circles on her back, relishing the feel of her beneath him. She was so sexy. Unbelievably sexy.

His hands moved of their own accord, almost, coming around to cup her breasts, and she gasped, stilling a little.

Chimney paused as well, slowly pulling away, letting his thumbs brush over her hardened nipples. Did she want this? Was she okay with this?

Her eyes were closed, and her breathing was getting more shallow. He wasn't sure what this was an indicator of.

"Mads, you okay?" He wondered, and she nodded.

"Touch me," she whispered. "I'm...I don't know...but touch me."

He wasn't sure about that answer, and it seemed like she was having a hard time, but he decided to follow her request, moving her closer, kissing her breasts, bringing one nipple into his mouth.

The next few minutes were a bit hazy. He found himself shifting her off of his lap, moving her onto the couch on her back, and moving so he was on top, bracing himself over her and kissing her lips, kissing until they were breathless again, and kissing a path back down to her breasts.

And she liked it. She was responding, and she slowly began to touch him back. They changed positions again, and she was peeling his shirt off, her fingers rushing down the buttons, shoving it off his shoulders, impatient.

She gave back as good as she'd gotten, and Chimney found that he was feeling very ready.

"Maddie," he whispered, and nodded, kissing him again before letting him speak. "Can I take you to bed?"

She nodded, and he moved in closer, kissing by her ear. "Can I take you to bed?" He repeated, and she moaned, pushing herself closer to him.

"Yes, Chimney," she replied, and he lifted her up, thanking god for the workouts with Buck he'd been forced into lately.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her into the bedroom, laying her back on the bed.

They had some more lazy moments, just exploring, and then her dress was gone, and she was there in just her panties.

He drank in the sight of her, lying there waiting for him, and he moved so he was over her, arms braced on either side of her head.

"How are we doing?" He wondered, his hand brushing her hair away from her face. She smiled up at him, and he moved his hand behind her head, cupping it to bring her up to kiss him.

"I'm good," she replied, after their kiss was over. "I'm ready."

"Not quite," he whispered, and shifted, moving one knee between her thighs, nudging her open a little.

Her eyes were wide, but she didn't say anything, and he sat up, bringing his hands down to her hips. He hooked his fingers under the lace of her panties, slowly dragging them down.

And then he undressed the rest of the way, not sure of how to do this, ignoring how self conscious he felt, knowing that Maddie probably felt the same way.

And then they were there, they were naked, they were completely bare to each other.

He kissed her. He had to take this slowly, and now it was for his sake as well. He felt nervous. He was terrified of fucking this up.

This was the first time she'd done anything in forever. He had to make it good, and at the same time, he was getting so close to getting carried away just looking at her.

So he just kissed her. They were long, lazy kisses. They both took their time. His hand handed on her waist and he brushed up to her breast, and down to her ass. And then to the front.

His hands slid between her legs, and he again paused, pulling away, meeting her gaze. "Can I touch you here?"

She was breathing hard, and her pupils were dilated, and she took a moment to say yes.

"Do you want me to?"

She hesitated again, and he pulled back, lying on his back, and bringing her on top of him. She lay her head on his chest, and they paused there for a minute, taking a moment to breathe.

"We can still stop here," he told her.

"I don't want to stop here, I just want to take it slow," she replied, after a long moment. "Really slow."

He nodded, and they slowed down even more, to just kisses. And she lay her head on his chest again, breathing hard.

He rubbed her shoulders, as she slowly began to move her hips, beginning to sit up.

"Oh my god, Maddie," he whispered.

"Do you have a condom?" She questioned, and he wordlessly got her one, barely breathing as she opened the packet, moaning when she slid down to sit on his legs to put it on.

Her hands there were torture. He didn't know if he'd make it.

"I want to be on top," she finally said, once she'd finished, as her hands fell away.

"You can be wherever you want," he managed, and she moved forward, lifting her hips.

He groaned when she sank onto him, in slow, painstaking measures. And then he was inside her, and she was so warm, so inviting. She was breathing hard, and her hands grabbed at his; she held his hands tight, almost too tight, and she was so nervous, and he wasn't sure if she was ready for this, and he wasn't sure if this was what she needed, but then she began to move on him, up and down.

He moaned again, and her eyes seemed to light up. He wondered if this felt good to her, he wondered if she was okay, but then she started to move more, picking up the pace a little, loosening her grip on his hands, bouncing up and down.

"Oh my god, Maddie," he hissed, and she leaned down to kiss him, continuing to move up and down.

"Thank you for doing it my way," she told him, kissing down to his chest, continuing her movements.

"I think I'm going to come," he whispered, and she only moved faster, pounding against him. He shattered into her, feeling his world stop for that moment. She fell against him, kissing him, and he kissed her back, only wanting to give back what she'd given him.

He switched their positions, so she was on her back, and slowly slid his fingers inside her.

And she was lighting up, moaning, gasping, jerking against him.

"God, I think I'm almost…" She was bucking against his hand, desperate for more. "Chimney, more, oh my god, just a little…"

She came, and he felt her come, and she was gasping, and he settled back, ready to relax, ready for sleep, to clean up.

Her chest was rising and falling, her breathing was growing more rapid.

She was crying.

* * *

This was a full on panic attack.

Maddie felt the tears begin to build right after she'd climaxed, right after she'd let go, lost control. Tears built and then exploded. She couldn't even breathe, and she jerked to sit up, knowing she was ruining any moment that had been about to happen.

She was scared, she realized distantly. She was fucking terrified and she had no reason to be. She knew she was safe here, but that wasn't translating to her miserable brain.

She wanted to stop crying, but her inability to do so only made her more miserable, and she literally couldn't handle any of her emotions right now. She was taking in gulping breaths, desperately trying to come back to earth, to normal, but normal was nowhere in sight.

She felt Chimney's hand on her arm, she distantly heard his voice say her name, but she couldn't respond.

The bed shifted. Oh god. He was going to leave. He couldn't handle this either, and he was going to leave her alone. He was being respectful.

She didn't fucking want him to leave, though.

Her body was shaking from how hard she was crying, and she slowly realized that a blanket was being draped around her shoulders, and then Chimney was embracing her, climbing back onto the bed, holding her tight.

"It's going to be okay, Maddie," he whispered. "Cry all you need. I'm right here. It's okay. You're okay. You're safe."

She began to feel like she could breathe again. She inhaled, and the tears weren't quite as choking. He kept holding her, being there, keeping her close.

He kept murmuring words, patting her back, kissed the top of her head. She was coming back to earth.

Back to Chimney.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm pretty satisfied with this chapter. I just hope it doesn't read too much like Chimney is somehow 'fixing' Maddie. If any changes go on, that's fully because of how resilient Maddie herself is. Chimney does play a part, obviously, and it's obviously a big one. But sex doesn't fix things, I guess is my point? It's going to help Maddie to heal to have positive sex experiences, but sex is not the be all, end all. Sex is complicated and messy and very stressful. But it can also be so, so good. Sidenote that panic attacks before/during/after sex are, unfortunately, a common occurrence. And they aren't okay because panic attacks suck BUT it doesn't make you less of a person, or a bad partner if you do have them.**

 **Lowkey planning another chapter, but I'm not sure right now, because I could also just leave it here. Idk.**

 **~Meowser**


	4. Chapter 4

Chimney's arms were still tight around her, and Maddie felt herself finally beginning to breathe properly.

The tears were stopping, and she wiped them away, one last time.

"You want to talk about it?" Chimney asked, handing her a tissue.

"Panic attacks are fairly common," she said simply. "With women who've...you know."

"Yeah," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you-"

"You didn't push me," she said. "Don't think that that's what happened. I made an informed decision and it's a decision I stand by. I love what happened here tonight. Just not the end."

He held her closer, his head snuggling into her shoulder from behind. "Maddie..it's okay that you cried. You can love that part too. It just reminds us both that we're all human and we get messy sometimes."

"So messy," Maddie echoed.

"And mess is okay," he said. She leaned back into him, her hands smoothing over his.

It was quiet. His hands tangled with hers and they were both just breathing next to each other.

"Let's lie down," she said, and Chimney moved out of her way, shifting to turn off the light. Maddie pulled the covers back again, and slid beneath, watching carefully as Chimney did the same thing.

He moved next to her, his arm extending behind her head, and she gladly lay on it, letting him pull her close. She rested on his shoulder, her arm flung over his chest, and she leaned up to kiss his lips.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked softly.

He flushed a little. "You," he admitted, kissing her forehead.

Now she blushed. "Maybe I could have guessed that," she said, burying her face in his shoulder.

"I was thinking about how good this was," he told her, hand moving up and down her arm. "And how much I want to do this again. Not immediately, just in the future."

"I want that too," she admitted. "There was a time I didn't think I'd ever be ready for something like this. Thank you for proving me wrong."

"Maddie," he began, voice soft. "I'm not the one who overcame fears tonight. Well, I did, but not nearly in the same way as you. You are the one that you need to thank. You proved yourself wrong. I just helped."

She leaned up, and they kissed. Long and slow, sweet and tender. She didn't ever want this night to end. "Thanks for helping then."

"That I can take credit for," he whispered, and they fell asleep in each others arms.

* * *

 **A/N: *checks calendar* so it only took me over a YEAR to update this fic. Yeah, I have Dan Howell's update schedule sometimes. Whoops. Anyway. I went back to reread this for typos and stuff and I realized how openended it was, so I just wanted to write this so that it felt more complete. Hope everyone enjoyed. Officially counting this story at done :) ~Meowser**


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